Extraordinary Ordinary

Hanah (one ‘n’ Hanah). Her story is unique, just like the spelling of her name, and it is only just beginning…

This amazing woman has stood out in my mind for many years now, and believe it or not, I have actually only met her in person twice. If you count social media, we have been “friends” for over four years now, yet it feels as if I have known (or needed to know) her soul for decades. Our paths crossed as my older daughter and her son were both invited to a sibling birthday party, with her son being friends with the little boy and my daughter being friends with the little girl. Now, being the introvert that I am, I dread (capital D) these types of forced social interactions where parents make surface level small talk to fill awkward space and time. This particular party was at a local, indoor waterpark, and because my daughter was still quite young at the time, I decided to stay. So, there I am, sitting on a pool chair in this holier than humid space, minding my own introverted business, when a lovely young lady sits down near me. Here is where I am going to embarrass myself (insert head in sand now). She was flipping through what appeared to be a new 2018 planner, in its shiny cover and empty pages glory (yes, I am giving her the creeper side-eye by now). At that stage of my life, I was working to push myself in the department of being more social, taking risks and pushing out of my comfort zone. Well, I said the most profound thing to her… get ready, brace yourself, “Is that a new planner? I just love a new planner…” Ughhhhhhh (no mic drop here). Hanah, being the gracious human that she truly is, did not fake a bathroom break or go sprinting from the pool area, but rather, she struck up a conversation with me. In those few hours, I was able to learn about her love for running and her son, who is clearly her pride and joy.

About a year after I first met Hanah, she reached out in a message looking for my ‘professional opinion’ (you know, therapist by day, wannabe writer by night…). To summarize, she shared that her husband and son’s dad died when he was 18 months old, and although she had been open with him about his dad, he had started to ask when she was going to get married again. He also referenced that their family is “broken” and “a piece is permanently missing…”. Being 7 or 8, at that time, he was seeing other families with two parents and naturally started to ask questions. She was looking for ways to help him, feeling that she had always been open in talking about his dad, yet struggled to know what else to do for her son to navigate his own grief process.

Fast forward to about six months later when I just knew in my heart she was ‘extraordinary ordinary’ and the universe needed to be inspired by her. When I messaged her asking if she would be willing to take part in this crazy blog idea, she responded with, “I would be down to answer some questions! I don’t really think I am that extraordinary though, I just like to run!”

I was finally able to connect with Hanah at a coffee shop in October 2019, well before the world knew of global pandemics. And yes, the perfectionist in me has once again prevailed, and this post is well overdue for the “publish” button. When she arrived, she breezed in with her beauty and kindness and warmth, and immediately embraced me and we exchanged gifts (yes, it is true that we both thought to get each other gifts). Hanah and I talked for nearly two hours that afternoon, and even though she is about 10 years my junior, she is an old soul with such a determined spirit.

When I first asked what makes her think she is just ‘ordinary’ she shrugged and indicated that she has a “very boring job.”  At that time, she was an account specialist for a hardware store and worked typical daytime hours.  She was quick to share that she did not have a college degree, although at that time, was just shy of a 2-year degree.  She explained that she worked mostly with men but felt that she was a good fit in this job, describing herself as “approachable.”  When asked what her dream job would be, she enthusiastically mentioned being an emergency department nurse or working with the “Doctors Without Borders” organization.

She humbly shared about her love of running and the races she has tackled, but again, did not feel that was something too much out of the ordinary.

In that short period of time, I learned several things that people may not know about Hanah. For example, she does not believe in saying “I love you” until there is an engagement or marriage. She hates having to match socks when doing laundry, laughing and indicating that her socks rarely match. To emphasize this, she shared that she buys her son only black socks of the same brand (just to make it easier of course!). She loves to give gifts and indicated that she gives “thoughtful gifts” taking notes all year long of what people mention that they might like or are interested in. As an aside, she gave me the most adorable quote deck, and for anybody who knows me at all, this is a truly perfect gift. Further, she explained how she loves other people’s birthdays but not her own. She also believes people should “be nice all year round”, not just around the holidays or “because it is Christmas.” She indicated her tendency to be very ‘all or nothing’ when it comes to things she takes on. For example, she rarely, if ever, drank alcohol from ages 20-25. She had a smile in her eye when she shared that she had a Sprite on her 21st birthday. She also mentioned some quirks from her younger days about wanting to only wear hoodies and ponytails and getting into arguments about this with her mom and stepdad as they had other ideas about how she should present herself.

Despite being a single mother, Hanah finds time to run and do yoga. She believes running to be her therapy and crucial in her own healing journey.  In one message she sent me years ago she said, “running keeps me sane.”  She and I had been conversing about different 5ks that I was planning to do or had done and I opened up that I wanted to take it further with a goal of a 10k or half marathon one day.  Her messages were constantly and consistently supportive:

“You can totally do that.”

“What’s stopping you?!”

“You will totally kick a 10ks butt!”

I had mentioned to her a month before that I was going to do two separate 5ks in one day and in true Hanah form, she remembered. Before bed that evening, she messaged me asking how the races went.

In 2019, she ran both a half marathon and a full marathon. She did the full marathon in Duluth, Minnesota which is notorious for its hills (ahem, 26 plus miles of hills). She wished her marathon time had been better and hoped to do another one in the future. She laughed as she told me about the blister she got and how she had to message her mom to bring her Band-Aids at a certain mile mark so that she was able to finish. She was quick to share, “I always hate the first three miles of any run, it is all good after that.”

When asked what makes her ‘extraordinary’, she wasn’t sure at first. And she shrugged, not in the ‘I am trying to be humble’ way, but in a genuine ‘I just live my life’ kind of way. She thought for a bit and went on to say that she knows sign language. She explained that she has a stepsister who is deaf and she values communication and connection. She also said, “I love meeting new people, I love talking, I want to know why people are the way they are, with no judgement.” Hanah loves travel and airports. Growing up, her family often hosted foreign exchange students and this sparked her love of travel.

When I asked her about struggles or obstacles she has faced in life thus far, she spoke of losing her husband at a very young age. They were married in their early twenties, while Hanah was pregnant with their son. Tragically, her husband died before their adventure had a chance to begin. She spoke of how her son was too young to remember him, but around age 3-4 he started asking and she started telling stories and having his parents also share stories to keep his spirit alive. She knows loss all too well as her own father walked out of her life when she was 12 years old and when he reconnected with her, it was via letters from jail. Her dad died about 4 years ago and she never did feel that they had the relationship that she would have wanted.

To meet Hanah, you would not realize how quickly she was forced to look at life and the pains that come with it at times. I remember saying to her in a message once that she might be one of the strongest people I know and she humbly responded, “I don’t think strong is what I am, I’m just trying to be a good mom.” She presents with an optimism and warmth that is magnetic. When very easily, she could have chosen to let loss define her, she has overcome, focusing on her son, focusing on running that next mile and taking on that next goal.

Just recently, I learned that Hanah moved to Florida and she is working toward her nursing degree. When I messaged to tell her how amazing I thought that was, she responded with, “sometimes you just have to take a step back and re-adjust.” I would not describe this as ‘step back’ but rather miles forward. Truly extraordinary.

Claudette Jones-Walker

When I was dreaming up this blog idea (and losing sleep out of excitement), this woman immediately came to mind.  She is not famous.  She will likely never grace the cover of a magazine.  She may never be on television.  She is not married to a celebrity. She is not a millionaire.  She may be seen as ‘ordinary’ at first glance.   In reality, she is amazing.  She is better than amazing, she is extraordinary. 

Good old ‘Merriam-Webster’ defines extraordinary as such:

extraordinary adjective ex·​traor·​di·​nary 

1a : going beyond what is usual, regular, or customary //extraordinary powers

b : exceptional to a very marked extent //extraordinary beauty

c: of a financial transaction : nonrecurring

2 : employed for or sent on a special function or service //an ambassador extraordinary

I met Claudette a little over 4 years ago when I started my job at a small Veteran’s Affairs clinic in a suburb of Minneapolis, Minnesota.  She works as a medical support assistant and I was hired to provide psychotherapy to veterans.  If I am being honest, initially I noticed her for her snazzy footwear, ever-changing trendy hair styles and coordinated outfits.  But, that only lasted a short while as I realized the greater depth and spirit of this woman.  Claudette is somebody that you want to be around.  Her smile and her essence are truly contagious.

There was no doubt in my mind that she was the definition of what I envisioned this blog to be.  To emphasize, this was quite glaring recently when she left for a short medical leave from work. It is common practice in our clinic to send an email alerting others of the days we will be gone and nothing more. But not Claudette, she of course sent her email alerting all that she would be gone for a period of time, but she ended the email with “remember that teamwork makes the dreamwork…” This is her. Such a small thing, yet this is where ordinary ends and extraordinary begins.

She is not aware of this, but I enlisted the help of some co-workers to contribute their recognition of her extraordinary-ness. Emily, a registered nurse, sent me this (after I first asked her to not think I was crazy) when asked what makes Claudette an amazing human. She said (or more accurately she Facebook messaged), “she IS an amazing human…I look forward to my daily hug. Her warm words, kind smile, and calm presence is everything I need to get through my day or any hard moment. I thank God for blessing my life with Claudette…if only more were like her.”

Another nurse, Kim simply stated, “She is always bright and cheerful. A positive force of energy in the workplace. A Christian woman that honestly cares about others with a gift of intuition.”

Becky, a radiologic technologist, “Claudette visits my office with open arms every morning. Our words exchanged are always the same. Claudette: Good morning my Becky. Becky: Good morning, Mama. Sometimes its a quick hello, sometimes a brief conversation. Both mean the world to me and I always miss it when she is absent from work. With my entire heart, I can say she is one of the most beautiful and genuine women to ever enter my life.” Insert the waterworks, this opened the flood gates for me.

When I asked Claudette about Becky, she gushed, “she is my little doll, I just listen to the Lord and I know when she needs me.”

Claudette was born in Cleveland, Mississippi in what she described as ‘The Delta.’  When asked about her young life, she let me know that it was “good and I never wanted for anything.” She enjoyed school and had many friends.  Her family moved to Chicago in 1969 and she graduated high school in 1974.  She maintains a strong connection to a childhood friend from Mississippi and visits her every single year.  Without blinking, she said that when she visits her friend they “go roller skating and have lunch in the park” as if everybody does this with their kindergarten friend.  Did I mention yet that Miss Roller Skater is 63 years old.  Read that again, 63 years old.  And even though she did not graduate from high school in Mississippi, she attends the class reunions regularly and I can see why they gladly open their arms and hearts to her. 

She met and married her first husband in Chicago.  Sadly, he died at age 46 from complications related to asthma. When asked how she managed that loss, she frankly stated, “I had to soak it all in, I did a lot of praying and meditating.” Claudette has 3 adult children, two sons and a daughter. She also has 10 grandchildren, and in stalking her social media feed, family is clearly her pride and joy.

In 1982 she ventured to California where she was a mail carrier for 7 years. She lived there until 2005. She let me in on a fun fact about this when I asked her what she thinks makes her extraordinary. She explained that she had to take an exam to become a mail carrier and needed a score of at least 79 out of 100 to pass. Well, this fine lady scored herself a 96. Boom. She admitted that she liked school and being a “smarty pants” and had a competitive streak when it came to education.

She graduated from Century College in 2014 after studying Medical Assisting.  She has held her current job at the VA clinic for nearly 5 years and notes, “life is work, I do what I have to do.”  When asked how she feels about working with veterans, she immediately said that she enjoys it.  And damn, is it evident.  She is often one of the first faces a veteran will see when they enter our clinic and then they are blessed with that smile.  If there is something she does not know, rather than turning somebody away or “passing the hat” so to speak, she is overheard saying, “I don’t know, but I will figure it out.”  She does hope to retire in the next few years to travel (despite her current husband not being a fan of travel).

She has been married to her current husband now for about 5 years. He is a Vietnam veteran and she describes him as a “talker, he likes to chit chat and I just listen.” When asked what she thinks makes her just ‘ordinary’ she replied simply with “family, time with family.” She enjoys going out to eat with her husband, barbecuing, watching movies and attending church. She has a strong Baptist church family and is devoted to her faith. Despite this devotion she also recognized her human side, reminding me that she does cuss once in the while, admitting, “cussing is a cleansing.” She also likes to sit in her backyard by a pond and watch the ducks, fish and an occasional eagle.

What makes her extraordinary is that she also considers her coworkers her ‘work family.’ Our clinic suffered a rather sudden and tragic loss of a young pharmacist a few years ago. On the morning after his passing, Claudette was one of the first to send a clinic-wide email (that damn I wish I would have kept) that recognized the entire clinic lost a ‘brother’ and that we should all hold one another in our thoughts on that difficult day. When I asked her about this, she said, “he was my ‘little cutie’, but I know some days he had his [gray] cloud…I prayed for him a lot.” She holds all of us in her thoughts, we feel it. She shared that she tries to avoid work gossip and arrives to work a bit early so that she can sit in her vehicle to say prayers and set intentions for her day. She may or may not also be known to blast some gospel music in the wee hours of the morning. When I asked her to say more about what makes her extraordinary, she gave a humble shrug and replied, “you know better, you do better, I stay in tune, I stay still and listen.” Although her life has not been without struggle, she has not given up. She knows loss, starting with her first husband and has since lost several cousins, a nephew, friends, some to health concerns, some to drugs, some to suicide, yet she maintains a forward focus.

So why are we better to have her in our lives or have been graced with the opportunity to know her?  Well she said, “once they know me, it is on, I just focus on love…”  Ordinary, maybe.  Extraordinary, certainly.

As an aside, I put off writing this, not because it wasn’t burning my heart and soul to put into the universe, but because I am a perfectionist and in true perfectionist form, we wait to start things. I feared that my words could never truly capture what she is really all about. I sent Claudette a message to alert her that I was going to finally be working on this blog and admitted my procrastination and perfectionism. Her response, “it is going to be great (several thumbs up emojis) and there’s a time and a place for beginnings and ends, just do it.”

This is us honoring our co-worker who passed away…

Thanks for joining me!

Good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter. — Izaak Walton